Vacation?

I have waited years for a vacation and so far it has been mostly 10 days of horridness. Some light, some feeling of something other than alone.... and then it happened as I knew it would. And I craved to cut so deep. So much.... but I did not. Instead I held the scissors in my hand as I curled up.... I just held them knowing that I COULD if I had to.... just wait a minute and see... then one more minute....and I made it..... so far just one tiny burn.... so little no one noctices.... just a little one. to carry me through....